Why not vs what if

As I scroll through my LinkedIn feed this Mental Health Week, I can't help but notice the influx of posts related to managing our emotional wellbeing. It's a trend that's caught my eye, even here in Hong Kong where Mental Health Week is not an official observance.

But the prevalence of these discussions serves as an important reminder - the challenges of maintaining good mental health are universal, no matter where in the world we live. This is a lesson I've had to learn firsthand over the past few months.

After the recent illness and passing of my mother, I found myself consumed by a vicious cycle of "what if" questions. My mind was constantly racing with anxious hypotheticals:

"What if the doctors had caught it sooner?"

"What if I had done more to help her?"

"What if I can't cope with life without her?"

Dwelling on these types of "what if" thoughts was emotionally exhausting. It kept me trapped in a cycle of fear, guilt, and despair, making it exponentially harder to navigate my grief in a healthy way.

I know I'm not alone in this experience. Our minds have a natural tendency to catastrophize, spinning out scenario after scenario of how things could have or should have gone differently. But this "what if" habit takes a serious toll on our mental wellbeing, especially during times of profound loss and transition.

Instead of getting stuck in that spiral, I've found it much more helpful to reframe those questions and ask myself:

"Why not try to be more present for my loved ones going forward?"

"Why not seek out grief counseling to process this in a healthy way?"

Shifting to a "why not" mindset has made all the difference. It allows me to channel my energy into constructive, solution-focused thinking rather than getting mired in self-blame and hypotheticals.

This Mental Health Week, I challenge you to be mindful of when you're starting to spiral down the "what if" rabbit hole. When those anxious thoughts begin to creep in, try employing some of these strategies:

Practice mindfulness to ground yourself in the present moment. Take a few deep breaths, tune into your senses, and bring your focus back to the here and now.

Challenge irrational thoughts and focus on what you can control. Ask yourself, "Is this thought helpful or realistic?" Then redirect your energy towards actions you can take.

Cultivate gratitude for the good things in your life. Make a mental or written list of people, experiences, or small joys you're thankful for. This can provide a valuable counterbalance to the negative thought patterns.

Making a conscious effort to stop the "what if" and embrace a "why not" mindset can have a profound impact on your mental health, even in the midst of profound grief.

As I continue navigating this difficult chapter, I'm learning to be kinder and more compassionate with myself. Rather than getting trapped in a cycle of hypotheticals, I'm focusing on what I can control and how I can move forward in a way that honors my mother's legacy.

I encourage you to do the same. Be gentle with yourself, and stay present. Your wellbeing is worth the effort.